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I Got A Pony When I Turned 10

     

Friday, May 31, 2002

 
My favorite discovery of the week, maybe month, is that Odd Todd does movie reviews. I like Odd Todd, and I like movies, and this just makes for a stellar combo.



 
Comments!

Let my Pony

Go.

(fingers crossed, eyes closed.)



Wednesday, May 29, 2002

 
comments are down for 24 or less. ezra
 
Amy, my best friend from college, came to visit this weekend. The highlight, of course, was a raucous Saturday night, spent headbanging to Pop Rocks and making eyes at Surreal Neil -- and not, as he might believe, at the long-haired (and apparently substitute) guitarist. Amy's comment about the experience was: "Um, that's kinda cool you guys follow bands like that. We don't really do that in Richmond." And I don't really know if she thinks that we are cool or uncool or obsessed or alocholics -- or perhaps a sublime combination of them all.

Superfresh weekend activities included: the best hangover recovery breakfast at Howard's, cheese and wine and bright sunshine in Sonoma, shoe shopping, clothes shopping, boy talking, a fruitless -- so far -- trip to Good Vibrations, buffalo wings, and PBR on tap.

Things we were sad to see: Unfaithful, a plethora o' fog, Saturday night's end, and Tuesday morning.

Things that we were sad to miss: Heather, Ezra's 28th, painting our fingers and toes, and a very necessary eyebrow waxing.


Friday, May 24, 2002

 
Beer and wine/
Beer and wine

I like
to drink you

All the time

Thursday, May 23, 2002

 
Inspired, once again, by Heather and Helen Jane:

Stefano takes his tea with milk and no sugar.

John and Marlena stayed at the Ihilani Resort on Oahu for their honeymoon.

When Eric's car was hit by the train he was driving a white hatchback.

Nicole Walker's porn name was Misty Circle

 
Goodbye Felicity
Goodbye Noel
Goodbye Ben (my sweet prince).

The conclusion our our time together made me cry last night.
And that hasn't happened since

Tuesday, when Xander saved the world.

Monday, May 20, 2002

 
Vegas how I love thee. Let me count the ways:

1. Watching Sue get a lap dance, on stage, from a very cute, very gay boy in a thong. Well, cute except for the thong, grease, lingering smell and butt hair.

2. Trying to choose said cute boy from a plethora of cute, gay boys in buttless chaps and pointing one out saying, "Hey Jara, how bout that guy? He's hot." And Jara responding, "Nah, his dick is too small." Then realizing that Small Dick is just not smart enough to stuff his G with dollar bills, tissue paper and Almond Joys like the rest of 'em.

3. Watching cute, gays boys do not-so-sexy stripper routines to "Jailhouse Rock" and "Devil Went Down to Georgia" with choreography nicked directly from my 7th grade Gong Show and Oklahoma, respectively.

4. Not peeing for three days because margaritas, MGDs and the hot, hot burning sun sucked out every ounce of superflous fluid in my body. (If you knew how much I peed, you'd know what a grand reprieve that truly is.)

5. Watching scantily clad people with fabulous wigs dance in cages and on pedestals and twirl from bungee cords above our crowded dance floor. Also, falling confetti. Lots and lots of it.

6. Mullets. Of both the male and female persuasion.

7. Nude hose with sandals. (Also correlated nicely with aforementioned hot, hot burning sun.)

8. Brides Brides Everywhere.

9. Hearing that a Mother-of-the-Bride had asked my friends to "move, please" so that her daughter -- The Bride, in her gown -- could have her picture taken beside the McDonald's sign in the MGM hotel.

10. Yelling at cute knights on horses, and telling them that we love them...even GoodForNothingNorway. And doing so being acceptable just because we're 13 girls and one of us has a veil. Also -- Days of Our Lives-like dialogue and an impressive cameo from Gene Simmons as the evil, fire-happy Gandor.

11. Roller coasters, $2 diet cokes, "Caesar" at Caesar's Palace, 5 swimming pools, naps and thick gold necklaces in the hot, hot burning sun.

12. The smell of our ghetto hotel room -- a ripe combination of urine, old people, Goodwill and burning hot dogs.

13. Vibrator and celebrity talk with Sue, Heather, Em, Em, Denise, Karen, Beth, JJ, Linda, Steph, Jara and Morgan.

Thursday, May 16, 2002

 
It is 91 degrees in Las Vegas.

Tomorrow
I will be
too.

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

 
On Monday, Heather, Allyson and I went to see this band. The band was good fer sure, but the highlights of the evening (as expected) were dueling cameras, played by Heather and Allyson. Pool games were shot, poses were struck, and Heather and Allyson were thrilled to discover that, separately, they had BOTH taken the same picture of the same weird guy who stared at the fire for 45 minutes.

To wit: Three girls are outside. Two are smoking. All three are entranced by the very ano guy (who likely got that way with the exceptional diet plan of heroin and burritos), dressed in head-to-toe black, complete with black hair and a fabulous white skunk stripe down the left side. Heather asks Allyson if she can take a picture of her with Skunk. Allyson says "Sure!" and shimmies her way nearer to our thin friend She acts like she belongs there.

Heather (pauses): "Well, I actually want you to pose with him."

"Ok!!!" replies Allyson, and taps Skunk on the shoulder.

"Um, yeah, Hi!" says Heather, "I was wondering if I could take a picture of you two."

Sarah and Allyson smile so that Skunk feels comfortable. Skunk does not respond. Skunk looks very dubious.

Heather continues: "You see, I'm doing this photo project..." (trails off)

Skunk does not respond.

(picks up) "...of people in San Francisco for this...um...photo project."

Allyson and Sarah continue to smile. Heather smiles.

Skunk kinda smiles and says, "Ok."

Heather readies the camera. Allyson puts her arm around Skunk and lays her head on his shoulder. Skunk finally looks like he's starting to enjoy himself.

Allyson looks up and informs him: "I'm going to put my head on your shoulder."

Click.

Monday, May 13, 2002

 
I do love a barbeque. Even when we don't eat bbq. Sue and Mike, hosts extraordinare, had a doozy this weekend. Basking in northern California's brightest sunshine all day Saturday, we drank, ate, and played games until it was time to hop in cabs and zoom off to The Mint. Being sun- and beer-baked, we were star performers, and left the Mint better people.

What no one expected, however, was the kindness of KJ Frank. When Heather unexpectedly and immediately had to depart, leaving me stranded without a partner for "We've Got Tonight" --Kenny & Sheena style -- Frank offered to take her place. Although no one can really take Heather's place, Frank did his best. My concern, of course, was that I'd screw up Sheena's many, many high notes. "Frank," I pleaded, "what if I can't go that high?"

"I know both parts," he consoled.

"Even the falsetto?" I questioned.

"Especially the falsetto," he replied. Silly girl, I should've known.

What can I say, we held hands; we sang to each other; he got mad when 5 guys spilled a pitcher on our table. It was love, attached-gay-KJ, single-hetero-girl style. And when you've got that, who needs tomorrow?


Friday, May 10, 2002

 
I've known Josh
Since we were 5.
Now he's a
Rock Star
and he's playing here.

Monday. At 9. $7.

Heather/
Sue/
Allyson/
and Jess/
will be there. Wearing
French Kicks t-shirts.

You should too.
 
Having met Ezra, Jefe, Mat and Kool Bobby last night for (essentially) the first time, I share these pearls of wisdom:

1. Ezra talks about sex as much in person as he does on the blog.

2. Jefe now has a burning desire to visit the excellent shops and restaurants along 9th and Irving.

3. The highlight of Mat's evening was a phone call from Harper.

4. If there were a movie about Kool Bobby's life, Kool Bobby would be played by Billy Crudup, even though BC is significantly shorter than KB.

5.Heather loves her blue pants more now than the day she bought them.


Thursday, May 09, 2002

 
There is nothing better than good news about good friends.

Wednesday, May 08, 2002

 
Yesterday, I watched Eugene fix Heather's car by replacing the old, acid-soaked battery with a shiny new one. I asked him when he learned to do that kind of stuff. He replied: "I dunno. Growing up, I guess -- it's easy, just like changing the battery in your Walkman." Yeah, well, while he was busy peering into the hoods of cars, I was learning how to put make-up on the dog. "Come here, Ginger! Good girl."

We all have our talents, Eugene. Some more useful than others.

Monday, May 06, 2002

 
Last night, at another screenwriting session starring Heather, Sue, and Sarah, pizza was eaten and Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (1985) (or, as they call it on the Official Website, GJWHF) was watched.

At the tender age of 12, when I discovered this movie -- at the video store, not the theater -- I couldn't wait to sneak out of the house via tree, wear a Catholic school uniform and, of course, become a Solid Gold dancer. Sadly, I never really had a curfew (many thanks older brother!), I went to public school, and Solid Gold just wasn't the same after Andy Gibb od'd.

But seeing my beloved Lee Montgomery on screen again made me realize that I didn't understand that "safest...between...leg...motorcycle" line until about my 47th viewing. Just like in Footloose (1984) when Ariel screams at her preacher dad "I'm not even a virgin!" -- for the longest time I thought that meant she didn't believe in God. And I was horrified. But I still wanted sassy red boots just like hers.

Ah, the past of Sarah Jessica Parker. Like an onion, it does have layers. Heather really summed up the experience with the thoughtful comment, "Wouldn't you just kill for a Dance TV t-shirt?" Yes, Heather, I would. I was going to quote some of my favorite lines, but this guy did such a fabu job that I happily defer to him. Though it's hard to believe, he clearly has less to do at work than I do.





Friday, May 03, 2002

 
These 5 things happened last night. As a collective, they prove that my college years are indeed 6 long years past. In order of occurrence:

1. I made Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for dinner, and I had to read the instructions to see how much milk and butter to add to the powdered cheese packet.

2. I decided against adding the required amount of butter (1/4 cup!), and wondered if I should make some vegetables in order to "make it a meal."

3. I cooked the macaroni in one pot. I then mixed it with cheese/milk/tbsp Heart-Healthy Promise in a large bowl. I ate it from a plate.

4. Having pre-rinsed all 3 dishes, I put them in the dishwasher.

5. When my roomates came home, they were not excited that I had already made dinner. And then they cooked something different.
 
Little pillow

Between my knees

You make them

Not Knock

All night.

You are so much better

Than Jello Instant Pudding/

But maybe not as good

As a lullaby from Curtis Mayfield.
Ok, it's a tie.


Wednesday, May 01, 2002

 
I was in line at Walgreens this morning, buying Aleve for my once again broken back. When I went to check out, there was this old woman with no teeth trying to butt into a ridiculously long line.

Very ballsy she was, and Toothless started off by sliding her way into third place. This woman behind Toothless tapped her on the shoulder and told her that indeed, there was a line. So Toothless moved back one space behind Tapper. Another woman tapped Toothless, and explained that, indeed, there was still a line. Toothless moved back another space. A third woman tapped Toothless and told her that yet again, a line still existed. Without turning around or moving another space, Toothless exclaimed: "I got the runs. I got to get outa here."

No one tapped her after that.

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Where hilarity ensues

Helenjane
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love/hate
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What exactly is the fuss?

Dangerous Candy
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Worshipping at the Altar of Mediocrity
That's one pretty kitty

The Beakdip
A commuter's log

The Lauren Tewes Fan Page
She's expecting you

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SF Gate
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