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I Got A Pony When I Turned 10


Wednesday, April 23, 2003

I thought I had blogged all I could blog about *NSync's Lance Bass. Turns out, I was wrong. The boy wonder pontificates on the authenticity of American Idol:

"It's gotten a little too commercialized for me. I don't like how they cheese it up with Ford commercials. It's too Broadway for me. It's like when that '205' guy, Ruben Studdard, and this other girl were singing in front of a mansion in the car. What are they doing? It's like cheesy karaoke videos they're creating. It feels like they're selling out."

That's right, my sweet. I'd finish the article, but I've got to go get me some baby-back ribs.

And then I'm gonna fly into space, my McDonald's cheeseburger in one hand, my Justin Timberlake bobble head in the other.

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Dear Clay,

I really like your sweet Carolina accent, and even though you remind me of Rick Astley a little too much, I usually like your voice. You're kinda geeky, which is nice since I really hated Justin Guarini, and you're sorta the polar opposite. Like, he really liked himself a lot, and I'm just not convinced that you like yourself at all. And even though you will never begin to touch my beloved Ruben with the longest 10-foot-pole in the world, I just wanted to write and say that you are doing really well but I think it's time to lay off the self-tanner. You are starting to look like my brother's baseball glove.

All the best,

Friday, April 11, 2003

I used to think that the wagon-wheel coffee table in When Harry Met Sally was a pretty cool and kitchy addition to any living room or den. Upon further deliberation, however, I have decided that it is really just ugly.

Monday, April 07, 2003

Saturday night, I definitely did not have any fun bowling. I also definitely did not learn dirty little secrets about a certain rock star's crazy self-indulged fantasy life, starring himself and no one else. And even if I did learn these dirty little secrets, I would never, ever blog about them.

Totally. Didn't. Happen.

Thursday, April 03, 2003

"Its eight arms and two tentacles have up to 25 teeth-like hooks -- deeply rooted into muscle and able to rotate 360 degrees -- as well as the usual suckers to ensure fish do not escape."

Man oh man, we should all be so lucky.

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

Still, if there's one person I dislike more that J.Lo, it's Ari Fleischer.
You know, for so long I resisted the temptation to call J.Lo "J.Lo" because only a ginormous jackass would date a guy who calls himself "P. Diddy" and sing a song about rocks and blocks and keeping things real while wearing a fur coat and precious else in the cold streets of New York. But now that J.Lo is planning her third wedding in a Boston church to a dolt who was proud of the work he did in Pearl Harbor, I feel that J.Lo is the only way to go. You made your bed, Lopez, now lie in it.


The Past

The Present
Where hilarity ensues

She got married

So much conflict

Mrs. Kennedy
What exactly is the fuss?

Dangerous Candy
Don't mix with coke

Worshipping at the Altar of Mediocrity
That's one pretty kitty

The Beakdip
A commuter's log

The Lauren Tewes Fan Page
She's expecting you

The Future
This American Life
SF Gate

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