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I Got A Pony When I Turned 10


Monday, July 28, 2003

Runner's log, Fogdate, July 27, 2003
Chronicle Marathon, Mile 19

It comes as no surprise that while waiting for the third leg to pass the baton to me (the fourth leg) at Sunday's marathon, I ate a peanut butter PowerBar, bit off three fingernails, saw a guy running unhappily in a suit of armor, saw many people running faster than I ever will, got sick from the sticky sweetness of Gatorade, talked too much, peed 7 times, high-fived strangers, considered walking home, wished I had slept 15 minutes later, and really wanted to sit down. It is even less surprsing that when the third leg actually crossed the timing pad -- torch prepped and ready to hand off -- I was, once again, in said bathroom.

Monday, July 07, 2003

You know LA has done its job when:

1. The least favorite celebrity you meet is Tom Green.

2. You come home unable to account for a big wad of cash, a driver's license, your favorite black jacket and, of course, your shoes.

3. A Survivor whispers sweet nothings in your ear.

4. You are called "dirty whore" at least 12 times.

5. Your friends use their wit, charm, good looks and convertible to pick up 21-year-olds for you. Your friends also card them.

6. You lose your wallet then get it back due to the diligence, patience and integrity of the third most drunk friend there.

7. The bride-to-be's veil is most often referred to as her hat.

8. You spend 4 hours at a bar and are so busy with celebrities that the mechanical bull in the middle of the room is completely ignored.

9. Your second favorite Reality crush is in charge of running said bull.

10. Your waiter plays 2 rounds of "I Never" with your table and then buys everyone shots.

11. Knock knock jokes are everywhere.

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

Great America is an ideal outing for a Sunday only if you have 9 accompanying friends who:

1. Are not afraid to ride boy-girl-boy-girl.

2. Are also not afraid to eat cheesburgers, when a bbq is the planned post-park activity.

3. Are not afraid to eat corndogs when having previously done #2.

4. Are terribly afraid of getting their cameras wet...and then take said camera on a ride appropriately called Rip Roaring Rapids.

5. Apply their lipstick while killing time in the Invertigo line.

6. Will travel all the way to Kidzville for a bag of sweet, delicious kettle korn.

7. Laugh when a ride makes you cry.

8. Don't get mad about long bathroom lines, extremely slow food providers, or pathetic skeeball scores that produce precious few red tickets.

9. Share everything they buy, including ice cream of the future, glittered bracelets, ring pops, $3 bottles of water, airplanes, #6, and french fries, glorious french fries.

10. Enjoy watching their friends getting thrown around by a ride almost as much as getting thrown around themselves.

11. Purchase a minimum of 3 meats when preparting for aforementioned bbq, and then throw in a side of ham, just in case.

12. Sing all the way home.


The Past

The Present
Where hilarity ensues

She got married

So much conflict

Mrs. Kennedy
What exactly is the fuss?

Dangerous Candy
Don't mix with coke

Worshipping at the Altar of Mediocrity
That's one pretty kitty

The Beakdip
A commuter's log

The Lauren Tewes Fan Page
She's expecting you

The Future
This American Life
SF Gate

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